Standing out

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you did not care what anyone thought of you? I believe people struggle with this to varying degrees, I just happen to have a healthy dose.  2Samuel6:14-16, “And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet. And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.” The fact that David was able to worship the LORD so whole heartedly and not care if he was behaving appropriately for a king really spoke to me.  I have spent most of my life wanting to blend in.  I am introverted by nature and definitely try to avoid anything that will draw attention to myself.  God has been working on me in this area of my life.  I have had to come to the realization that when I take my son, who has autism, out in public, we are going to get noticed.  Just a few weeks ago at the county fair, he was loving the rides but experiencing sensory overload from the lights, noise and people.  My husband left us at the kid section to take our 9 year old nephew to ride one of the scarier, adult rides. My son finds comfort in having us all together.  When his daddy left, the sensory overload lead to a major meltdown.  He was crying real tears uncontrollably, screaming “Daddy, Daddy”. I tried everything I knew of to calm him but nothing was working.  The screams became so loud that people were looking at me concerned.  The lady beside me was staring me down and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness.”  As a special needs mom, you must develop a sort of “thick skin”.  This is something I would have never acquired  if God had not placed Samuel in my life. It  would have been nice to reply, “Yes, my child is acting crazy. No, there is not anything I can do about it.  You have no idea what he is going through right now. So, please do not judge us.”  The desire to say this quickly passed as I remembered that I used to be very much like this lady at the fair and David’s wife, Michal.  Not only did I previously struggle with standing out, I was somewhat judgmental of those who did, especially if I did not understand their situation.  I can remember going to a family birthday party of a child when I was in my early 20’s.  There was a little boy at this party with autism who was several years older than most of the kids attending.  At this time, I had no idea what autism meant.  All I knew was that this noisy little boy was up walking around  when everyone else was sitting down and quiet and he was trying to open the presents.  I can honestly remember thinking, “Why doesn’t his mother do something about this?”  Clearly I lacked understanding which lead to an inappropriately harsh judgement that I deeply regret. I can offer this lady from the fair and others like her forgiveness because I hope the mother of the little boy at the birthday party would show me the same compassion.  I am so thankful that God has used my son to give me a new perspective on standing out and not being judgmental of those who do. As a Christian, I am also trying to focus more on being obedient to the direction God is leading me, rather than blending into society or acting politically correct.  I may not yet have the kind of courage David did to dance in a linen ephod in public to worship the LORD, but I won’t be judging you if you do.

Busy

The months of September and October have been extremely busy for my family.  In September, we finished remodeling our new house and finally had the privilege to move in.  I have yet to meet someone who loves moving and I am no exception.  Now that we are for the most part finished, I can sit back with a sense of accomplishment but the process is so tedious and exhausting.  We were not able to press pause on our normal schedule of kids, work, church and community events.  So our most productive times were at 8:00 pm after the kids had gone to bed.  We had previously used this time to rest.  
Today is the first morning I have had in a long time to take for myself.  I decided to go out for a run/walk.  There is something about being out in the country air, alone, that is so peaceful.  I have felt distant from God these past couple months, until today. As I was walking, the verse Psalm 46:10 came to my mind "Be still, and know that I am God".  I suddenly knew that I had been too consumed with staying busy. Sometimes my life goes into seasons of "busy-ness" for reasons that are out of my control, like with moving.  But sometimes, I think I stay busy just because I cannot say "no" or because I honestly want to be busy.  When I am busy I am not thinking about all that is wrong with the world or my life.  I am just surviving the day, thinking about what task needs to be accomplished next.  I may still go to church or do my daily Bible readings but I am not slowing down to seek God's presence.  I am not seeking his guidance in all areas of my life.  Phillipians 4:6: "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." I am not sure about you, but when I stop seeking God and asking for His guidance in my life, things can feel a bit shakey like a wheel with a loose screw about to come flying off.  I am thankful for the opportunity to slow down today and that God showed me it was much needed.